Monday Update 10-23-17

Oct. 23rd, 2017 11:22 am
ysabetwordsmith: Artwork of the wordsmith typing. (typing)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
These are some posts from the later part of last week in case you missed them:
Poem: "Feel the Might of Creation"
Lunar Tunnels
Poem: "Capable of Stretching"
Saturday Yardening
Poem: "Death Whispers at the Tip"
Today's Adventures
Poem: "To Protect the Most Vulnerable"
Thursday Yardening
What to Do About Kneeling
How to Accommodate Special Needs While Attending an Event
Wednesday Yardening
Hard Things


The half-price sale in Polychrome Heroics is now over. I sold six poems outright, with one in microfunding and two more in a pool that should get squared up later today. Most of the sold poems have been posted, I just have one left to do.


Poetry in Microfunding:
"The Inner Transition" belongs to Polychrome Heroics: Berettaflies.  Stylet comes out of the shower.  "The Higher a Monkey Climbs" belongs to Polychrome Heroics.  Pips and Jules discuss what to get for G and Joshua after the fire.  "TERF Wars" belongs to Polychrome Heroics: Antimatter & Stalwart Stan.  At school, Stan walks into an unexpected argument about gender issues.

It has been raining here since yesterday afternoon, off and on, and that's expected to continue through the early part of this week.  We can use the rain.  The weather had been warmer for a few days but is now chilly again. Currently blooming: dandelions, marigolds, petunias, lantana, million bells, firecracker plant, morning glories, frost asters, goldenrod.  Very few fields remain to be harvested.

Poem: "Wanton Kittens"

Oct. 23rd, 2017 02:33 am
ysabetwordsmith: Damask smiling over their shoulder (polychrome)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This poem is spillover from the August 15, 2017 Poetry Fishbowl and the August [community profile] crowdfunding Creative Jam. It was inspired by prompts from [personal profile] mama_kestrel, [personal profile] we_are_spc (Fallon and Jay), and [personal profile] curiosity. It also fill the "comfort" square in my 7-31-17 card for the Cottoncandy Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by [personal profile] mama_kestrel.

Read more... )

Breeding Apples

Oct. 23rd, 2017 01:06 am
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
 Here's an interesting article about creating new apple varieties.  This was a lot easier when people bred primarily for taste and resistance to pests or bad weather.  Now they're breeding more for appearance, and that costs in flavor.

Writerly goals

Oct. 22nd, 2017 10:56 pm
labelleizzy: (write first edit later)
[personal profile] labelleizzy
Finished the second chapter of my new fic today. Am working on practicing writing teh sexay stuff and it takes some practicing.

If you're interested, you can find my stuff on Archive of Our Own, under Labelleizzy. :)

Poem: "Feel the Might of Creation"

Oct. 22nd, 2017 11:47 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Damask smiling over their shoulder (polychrome)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This poem is spillover from the September 5, 2017 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts from [personal profile] technoshaman and [personal profile] dialecticdreamer. It also fills the "learning how to be loved" square in my 7-31-17 card for the Cottoncandy Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by [personal profile] mama_kestrel. It belongs to the Damask thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.

Warning: This poem is all about childbirth, in rather graphic detail. If that's a touchy topic for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward. Also, hankie warning for anyone prone to crying over happy scenes.

Read more... )

Lunar Tunnels

Oct. 22nd, 2017 01:12 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
 Tunnels have been confirmed on the Moon.  While these make a promising site for settlement, I would prefer to make sure there are plenty of them before wrecking the first one we've found.

the chasm between wanting and asking.

Oct. 22nd, 2017 10:22 am
labelleizzy: (Default)
[personal profile] labelleizzy
fear. and abundance. and enoughness, and not-enoughness.
OR: I am Not Enough.


i realized this morning that there's some kinds of beauty that I think of as Not Allowed.
or Not For Me.

some kinds of Happiness that I think of as Not Allowed, or Not For Me.

part of me said, "why do i... it doesn't matter WHY just that I somehow figure out how to Allow myself"
then I backtracked and said, "no, the WHY *DOES MATTER* because I want to untangle this and then not allow it to happen again."

I want to ALLOW MYSELF ALL THE KINDS OF HAPPINESS and not think that I must prevent myself from x y or z because I am ME and something about ME-NESS means than I don't Get To Have Nice Things.

watching the koi as I fed them I realized I think of them as Jeff's joy, his calm, his happiness. And I caught myself saying, I must be businesslike, I'm not allowed to enjoy this, to enjoy watching them move, the peace of their deep swim and their curved bodies, I should be done with the task of feeding them and then move on...

like, that's so fucked up??? brain, WTF???

i often talk about abundance mentality but i don't know how to talk about DESERVING. And I apparently am either convinced I don't deserve nice things, or I'm afraid of getting nice things.

last night might have meant more hugs and cuddles, but I was afraid of getting in the way of my friends having hugs and cuddles with each other. they'd already been including me in their hugs and cuddles, and their sex jokes.

maybe I didn't need to rush home. I have shame about sex, and not knowing ... I can't even wrap words around what the shame is. It's deep and sorrowful and angry and resentful and *ugly cry*

maybe i could have had more hugs and cuddles. maybe it would have even moved into enough of a sensual place that I could hope for partnered satisfaction. (IT'S BEEN SO LONG.)

OKAY. I'm gonna call that enough wallowing for right now. If there's a chance, there's probably still a chance. I'm going to trust that I will someday be able to have what I want and need.

I mean, there's definitely hope. my friend S is a cute cuddly person and at the party friday night they were snuggling up to me and when I started making noises about leaving they cuddled back up to me and said,
"I wanna ask you something, but I'm nervous"
which is kind of funny to me because they're pretty brash and loud
so i said, of course, you can ask me anything!
and they said, "May I kiss you?"

and it was such a joyful thing to me, to be asked, in a comfortable affectionate respectful way, and I trust them so I was open to the idea,
and I said, with a giant grin, yes, you can (or yes, please, I forget how I phrased it)

And it was a nice kiss. No fireworks, but you could kind of see how maybe it would build to fireworks?

maybe I don't suck as bad as I think I do. I think my brain is an asshole, and my brain has a longstanding training of not believing people want me, in a going to bed kind of way.

okay.
I recognize that the training exists. I also understand that retraining is possible.
okay.
okay.
this is gonna be scary but I want to do this.

i'm fuckin' tired of not believing I'm ENOUGH enough to be wanted.

there's two possible places right there just this weekend, which might work out to be rewarding in that kind of way. I can start there, and pull on other threads for cuddle friends, and network it in together enough.

ok. I'm just gonna put it here:
I want a big, messy, passionate, laughing, juicy love life, and I want it to be enough that my heart stops hurting, and I want it to feel normal.


ok. Stuff I gotta do. more later. <3 peace!

Half-Price Sale in Polychrome Heroics

Oct. 22nd, 2017 12:23 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Damask smiling over their shoulder (polychrome)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
Today is the last day of the half-price sale in Polychrome Heroics, so if you're still planning to buy anything, now's the time. 

So far I have sold four poems.  Three of those have been posted.  "A Moment of Atonement" hasn't been posted yet.  There are also two poems in a pool, the Iron Horses entries "Come Out of the Darkness" and "Sheltered and True."  Contact [personal profile] ng_moonmoth if you are interested in contributing toward those.

The Most Dangerous Man in the World

Oct. 22nd, 2017 03:15 am
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
A whole lot of "water is wet" observations, but I do admire the precision of analysis in listing specific actions of #45 and why they are troubling.

Poem: "Capable of Stretching"

Oct. 21st, 2017 03:55 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Damask smiling over their shoulder (polychrome)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This poem was written outside the regular prompt calls but follows on prompts from [personal profile] dialecticdreamer, [personal profile] ari_the_dodecahedron, [personal profile] zeeth_kyrah, and [personal profile] nsfwords. It also fills the "healthy touch" square in my 7-31-17 card for the Cottoncandy Bingo fest. It has been sponsored by Anthony & Shirley Barrette. This poem belongs to the Shiv thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. It relates to events in "An Atmosphere of Shame" and "Everything That Is Real About Us," so read those first or this won't make much sense.

Warning: This poem contains some intense material. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes anxiety, forboding, fear of communication, many references to Shiv's awful past, because the inside of Shiv's head is always a warning, feeling trapped, boundary issues, impaired consent, talking about scars, extreme body modesty, touch aversion, references to past malpractice in mental care, touching which is unwanted but permitted, graphic description of past abuse, poor self-assessment skills regarding physical and mental complaints, defensive lying which has become a reflex to the point that Shiv often can't tell the truth even when it would benefit him more than a lie, vulgar language, resistance to help, minor violence (not directed at a person), emotional flashbacks, overload, desperation, scary basement memories, and other challenges. This poem may be extra-stressful for people with a history of therapeutic abuse, toilet abuse, and/or child molestation. If these are touchy topics for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.

Read more... )

Saturday Yardening

Oct. 21st, 2017 03:52 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
Today is partly sunny, breezy, and warm. 

We went out and looked at yardwork projects together.  We picked out a place to plant the big bag of bulbs, and Doug mowed that along with the paths in the prairie garden.  Since we're supposed to get some rain tonight and tomorrow, I'm waiting on that before planting them, so the ground will be softer.

I also picked up sticks around the house, since that yard will need to be mowed later.

Late monarchs are fluttering around the prairie garden.

EDIT 10/21/17: I went back out and dug up some toadstools so the south lot can be mowed.

Readathon!

Oct. 21st, 2017 01:50 pm
balsamandash: (s] hope in the water)
[personal profile] balsamandash
I will update this through the day rather than making separate posts, unless I actually have something to say about the books. But I've been reading not-nonstop-but-plenty since 8:05 AM, it's 1:45 now, and I am pleased with myself.

A list of books and some thoughts. )

Poem: "Death Whispers at the Tip"

Oct. 21st, 2017 12:17 am
ysabetwordsmith: Damask smiling over their shoulder (polychrome)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This poem was written outside the regular prompt calls, inspired by the "teamfamily" square in my 5-29-17 card for the Pride Bingo fest. It has been sponsored by Anthony & Shirley Barrette. It belongs to the Polychrome Heroics series.

Warning: This poem deals with some touchy topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It features bald women, messy medical details, references to past cases of cancer, infertility, distracting visions of Amazon life, historic references to dubious consent and inane attitudes, fostering, failed conversions, frank talk about death, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.

Read more... )

Today's Adventures

Oct. 20th, 2017 10:12 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
Today we saw the Ikebana exhibit at Krannert.  It was small, but very pretty.  It's worth going if you're in Champaign-Urbana or very close, but not worth a longer drive.  Only the demonstration is listed on the website, but the free exhibit is open Friday-Sunday.  They had many things in styles I recognized, and a few plants I'd never seen before.  Also a style I'd never seen before: bark, metal, and flowers all glued to a flat board.  That was pretty cool.  There were several of the classic spiral vases with two openings.  My favorite, however, was an arrangement which used a big silver dryer hose curled into the same spiral -- simultaneously referencing the very old spiral vase and modern Japan's tech base and love of all things robotic.  It was just SO JAPANESE.  But I bet it's like the Hokusai wave, nobody will get it for a few decades and then suddenly it will be the most Japanese thing EVAR.

I couldn't help think of Terramagne.  People there often weave their hobbies into work.  If you go into a business, you may see the owner's collection of china plates over the door.  Things like flower arranging are often done by clubs, where you can pay a higher fee to take it home to display in your house or business, but a lower fee if you just want to make something fun and then it goes to a library or hospital or women's shelter where lots of people can enjoy it.  And all that stuff gives folks something to talk about as they go through their day.  "Did you see the new painting in Burger Bash?  Carrie's son did a giraffe this time." "Yeah, he's getting really good."

We visited with my parents and dropped off a batch of poetry, already sponsored.  I don't know whether I'll have time to post this tonight or wait until tomorrow.  You can look forward to "Death Whispers at the Tip," "Capable of Stretching," and "A Moment of Atonement."



For supper, we went to a new Japanese restaurant in Danville called Fujiyama.  I am only somewhat a fan of Japanese cuisine -- I love sushi but can't each much of it -- and not at all a fan of flaming tables.  This place greatly exceeded my expectations.  First, the performance area is separate from the regular dining area, so that was a big relief.  People who want excitement can get it without bothering people who want to relax.  \o/  Second, the menu has lots of tasty things to choose from.  I picked out two different appetizers to fill up on (pork dumplings and coconut shrimp) and then had a piece of the sushi that other folks got (California Roll, Spicy Volcano Roll, and Bayridge Roll.  Where things really got interesting: they will make "reasonable substitutions" in the sushi constructions if there are things you can't eat; replacing avocado with cream cheese is a standard  substitution.  :D  I have never found a sushi place that would change anything, they all acted like their recipes were dipped in gold or something.  So if you are looking for a special-diet-friendly sushi place, check out Fujiyama.

My father sent home a bag of 30 bulbs, which at a quick glance seem to be a random mix of tulips and daffodils.  I think I will plant them in the prairie garden en masse.

See "Molly Beans: "Assessment"

Oct. 20th, 2017 09:23 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
 I love this episode, especially the fanservice in the final exchange.
ysabetwordsmith: (gold star)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
A library realized that homeless people were hiding books under cushions to finish later.  So the librarians designated a shelf for homeless readers to store their "in use" books.  This is a replicable solution that any library can use if they have a similar challenge.  Meanwhile over in Terramagne, this sort of thing is common.

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